General life rule, whether you're Catholic or not: don't mess with nuns. If you do, they have various options for vengeance at their disposal. They can pull a John Paul II and just instantaneously forgive you, after which you will be so riddled with guilt that you will actually ask for punishment, or, failing that, they can always go old-school and whack you with rulers or make you stand in a trash can or something. (True story: that actually happened to a family friend of ours in the 60s.) Either way, it's not a good situation.
Scamming nuns is never a good idea, because not only will the nuns ultimately have their revenge, but the world will generally agree that you are a horrible human being. Rip off a nun and you've pretty much consigned yourself to a life of slapping orphans and scaring old ladies, because what else is left, really?
Thus, if this Chicago couple is indeed guilty of what the FBI says they are, I fear for their future. In 2004, according to an FBI affidavit, Angela Martin-Mulu and Edward Bosire turned up at a Carmelite monastery near Milwaukee and told the nuns there they were homeless Kenyan refugees who needed food and money, adding that they would be killed if they returned to Kenya. (The two immigrated from Kenya in 1999 and recieved political asylum in 2007.)
The nuns understandably took pity, because they are adorable, and gave them more than $800,000 over three years. Even worse, the money came straight from their personal health fund, according to a Sister Mary Agnes.
So if the couple are guilty (they were indicted by a federal grand jury recently and face up to 20 years in prison if convicted), they didn't just steal a fortune -- they stole it from a bunch of Carmelites who couldn't pay for health insurance. Low point, kids.
To top it all off, the FBI says most of the money was spent in casinos, which makes me want to bang my head against my desk. Gambling with nuns' money is practically asking to be struck down by lightning.
There's not really much I can say about this situation other than "well, that was dumb." And there's no word on what the nuns think about the whole thing, but personally, I'm hoping they break out the rulers.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hey Aubrey, it's Amanda's friend Meg. Manda mentioned your blog to me the other day and told me to look it up. So, after stalking you and then reading all of your posts, I just wanted to say that
ReplyDelete(a) Nuns do kick ass.
(b) That Oren Lavie song is gorgeous, and I love the video. I'm about to buy it on iTunes right now.
(c) The blog in general is hilarious. I can't wait to read more!
hey aubrey it's chris
ReplyDeleteThis post reminded me of a story my boss back home told me (he's a volunteer firefighter). They got a call of a tree fallen on a car on the highway. The tree had fallen right at the base of the windshield and two nuns were in the car and all they got were a few cuts and bruises.
Chris: I would expect nothing less of nuns.
ReplyDeleteMeg: Thank you! I'm glad you like it. :)
My nana always used to say that seeing a nun on roller skates would give you crazy good luck. As would two nuns with shopping bags. Or a nun in an elevator.
ReplyDeleteBut a nun in the rain, or a nun on a bicycle - you best get scared.
I hope these nuns have and give good luck. :)